I couldn’t go through with it. Yet I couldn’t not want it. And I still want it. I got three weeks of foreplay, then nothing.

Nothing, but the constant yearning for something that is no longer available. Something that would eventually have made the withdrawal even worse. Something that I could not bring myself to do, no matter how much I wanted to.

Something else held me back. Maybe my heart. Maybe it has its own special immune system to protect itself from being shattered.

Maybe. But the rest of me still wants that next fix.


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