Monthly Archives: March 2010

His eyes

They are softer now. Caressing my face as much as my body. Curious. Smiling. Then again sometimes they are sad. Troubled.

They are giving me hope.

Damn his eyes.

About pain

It’s like red next to green. It brings out the pleasure. Makes it pop. A blue sky is never as pretty as seen through a curtain of fading tears. Painfully pretty.

I’m okay

Reckless, maybe.
Heartbroken, any day now.
Self-destructive and unhappy, no.

This is just what I do this year.

I’m testing myself. Flexing my emotional muscles. Walking on a slack rope of forbidden desires. Pushing myself beyond my threshold of pain. Training at high altitude, to maximize my stamina for future races at sea level.

For now, heartbreak is my only trophy.

But that’s okay.

Wicked game

He took his cock out.
Told me everything he wanted to do with me
I touched myself, and said thank you.

Afterwards, I sent him a picture of me.
He said I was so pretty. From the inside out.
I started crying, and said thank you.

Tomorrow, I’ll see him again.
He will smile and say hey cookie, what’s up?
I’ll smile back, and say fuck you.

Break my heart

Did I really think my heart had an immune system of its own? Well think again.

My heart is a masochistic traitor. Along with the rest of my body. A few scratches and bruises were apparently not enough to get me off this runaway train. In fact, there’s no such thing as enough.

I’ll keep wanting more until I’ve had too much or gone too far. I won’t stop until I come crashing into the wall. Until I let him chew my heart up and spit it out.

Not until I’m broken, can I pick up the pieces and move on.

So go on. Get it over with.