There is a man I know. He is funny. Very smart. We can talk for hours. He smiles when he sees me. He is kind, and would never ever hurt me.
There is another man I know. He is funny. Very smart. We can talk for hours. He smiles when he sees me. Undresses me with his eyes. Hurts me all the time.
And I let him.
Why won’t I let a good man not hurt me instead?
JW: Hey hon. What you doing?
Me: Working. Just quit my job to start my own business. Stressful but fun.
JW: Are you naked?
Me: Oh, I should clarify: I don’t fuck for money. I’m a freelance writer, not a whore.
JW: You should be naked.
JW: So, can I help you with anything today?
Me: No. But thanks for asking.
JW: Then you can help me instead. I could use some help today.
Me: What do you need?
JW: I need to see and feel your fine body.
Me: Take a number.
If I knew her, I couldn’t do it. If I knew her, the fantasy would burst like a troll in sunlight. True, I have seen her once. But her face made no lasting impression.
Now my masochistic heart paints pictures in my head.
She is strong and intelligent. She is funny. She is in touch with her dark side. She is attractive. Not strikingly beautiful, but stylish and athletic with a decent face. She loves him. And he loves her.
She is me. But I’m not her.
”Give him my love! Not my anxious gaze […] Or leave.”
Well, I left. It turned out to be the right thing for me. But what about you? Should you leave, in search of something you cannot put your finger on? Or should you decide to be happy with what you have? A good, loving man. Should you simply give him your love instead of your anxious gaze?
We usually say there is no right answer. But there is. The right answer is deep inside of you. You already know it. Without knowing you know it. Whatever it is, it’ll be the right thing.